A few years ago I had a revelation that entirely changed my attitudes to superiors and other people who want to influence me through power. This principle of my life can be summarized in a simple sentence:
Nobody has power on you unless YOU give them the authority!
Of course some people have the power to influence things that matter to you such as your job or money. But I think that it is very important to distinguish between direct power on you compared to the power of influencing your life. Even if they might influence your life you are still free to make your own decision.
If this sounds abstract to you, let’s try to make it more concrete with some examples:
1) Your boss at work:
Your boss has the authority to fire you. In some large organizations he might not even be able to address this without having good reasons to explain to the union or labor’s council. If you feel comfortable in finding a new job elsewhere easily this is not a threat anymore and you can talk to your boss in a different way.
2) The guard or policeman:
These people have no power as a person. Usually we accept the authority of their function because we believe that the rules of our society make sense. In a democracy we can influence the rules of our society through regular elections. The separation of legislation and executive also aims at protecting us against inappropriate power.
If you decide to act against the rules of your society police has the authority to put you away in prison. If you do not care you can feel free to do whatever you want. If you don’t accept the rules of your society you are free to find a place on earth, where no rules or other rules exist.
3) Your family:
Your family gives you a lot of responsibility. But we are not able to choose most members of our family since we are born into it. For husbands and spouses there should be no power either, but responsibility. In case a relationship does not work anymore, each one is free to terminate the agreement - at least in most societies. Don’t let anyone exercise power on you.
4) Your friends:
The opinion of our friends is important to us and it is a part of friendship to openly share thoughts and do things together. But friends do not have any authority to make you do things you do not want. You have the authority to choose your friends and to look for new friends in case you don’t feel comfortable anymore.
5) Your colleagues:
The people you work together in your company usually are your colleagues by random. There are some you like and some you might not like. However, nobody there has any power on you. This is very important to understand when it comes to harassment or political games.
6) Your banker:
In case you have loans your banker has the authority to take away your home if you are in default and as long as he follows the rules in your agreement. This might be a threat for your family but there always are other options in life.
7) Someone with a weapon in his hand:
I am sorry to admit this - but in this case the person has power on you, unless you do not mind being dead. As far as I can image this is the only situation where someone really can apply massive power on you against your will.
I do not say that we should not accept rules and give authority to others on us. A functioning society needs rules and the authority to enforce them. If you believe that the rules of your society make sense you will deliberately give away the authority to exercise power on you.
But be reminded that this decision can be revoked anytime in case your government turns to become undemocratic or you need to stand up to protect your people for whatever reason. You are the one who gives other people power on you.
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